How now?

These few days, I want to sleep late to study. However, I fail doing it all the time! :( Ugh!

How am i going to do well this time? so many things to read... I started reading a little bit but when homework was given on that, I dont know how to do which means i forget again...which also means i dont know at the end. So, is equal to i didn't study before, doesn't it so?

this is the situation when i study.

First page... reading... learning

Second... my eye lids going to close...

Third ... CLose!!! OMG!

Okay, one more week, must try my best to reach as many pages as i can. want to try help?

Come come SMS to see whether i am studying or not! No matter when! in the midnight also can! :P i am really going to die now...

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For you

I am NOT angry neither annoy. I mean it. Btw, why do you think so? Haha... did i promise? You promise yourself and assume i agree. :) but still i am not angry or anything. I will not angry you for being so honest but in the other hand i thank you for letting me know what you think. Can you just be like that? the blog you where i mentioned before... please... just a little disappointed that you don't know something. Okay, i should not expect on you because i dont know you too. i thought you most probably know why and my target. Again... i should not assume... One more proof i am not angry was i start talking to you yesterday and you normally wont start talking to me. I am used to it now. i know you are like this. However, i still like to talk to you. Of course, you dont know what i am angry of you like some other days because you are not me! okay, basically you just said something that i dislike lo which it may not be a big matter. :) dont know why... i am not like that to my other friends but you. Maybe i care what you say? ahh... And some of your actions that you dont know. :)

however, of course, i will have a little change towards the way i look at you after this...

And if you really mean that picture then my reactions after reading is worth it. :)

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Is just a learning process....

What should I say? It is just a learning process for me. I should have known that there are lots of different kinds of people in the world. Right now, this club is giving me the opportunity to learn. I appreciate that a lot.

By the way, I realize no one actually know and understand anyone. They don’t know what the other person is doing, thinking, and why is it done this way. While at that moment, the person have their reasons. One thing, I assume. I should not have assumed that. I assume people will know why this is so. The part that are should not be this way is one person will be there thinking this way and not say it out. The other person will assume that the person know why and the reason. Sometimes, human are just like that they want to other person to start asking but sometimes the person didn’t ask because they don’t know that you are having a question in your mind. I am like that sometimes though. I want people to start asking me so that I have the chance to explain and then I assume the person know. It is hard to be just nice. Have anything? Just voice out, people! Stop letting me to guess what you are thinking. And no more assuming.

By the way, I thought they know because it was mentioned before why so. I didn’t hear wrongly. IT WAS MENTIONED by teacher. Besides, it was not that I don’t want to listen. I did. Think back. It may be others. I started talking when the person was talking because the person was talking non-stop. Okay, next time, I have to wait until the person finish what the person wanted to say only I am allowed to talk. Okay, deal. NO matter how long it is unless I was running out time.

Everyone was not happy that they are said by me or maybe get scolded. Then, do they know how many pressure I actually have? 100x more than all of them and of course, there will be time I am not happy and start getting a bit frustrated. You all get said by me? Then, how many times do you all actually know I was scolded by teacher? What was wrong has to be carried on my shoulder. So, of course I want everything to be right. Maybe I have a little experience how it should be done but that is the part where people still don’t believe me.

Maybe I gave myself too much pressure too because this was my second year. Last year, I was also quite active and I know how the ex-YE people did it. So, I want to make this year better. This is my goal this year to be achieved from the beginning of the year and many more like top profits compare to other school on Ye sales and many more things. So, maybe some of my request is a little high for them.

As I know what should things be done and when things go wrong, I start to not feel safe. Not seeing money coming in where people are still on the booth. When there are no people also makes me worried. No one knows that… No one understands… Even you don’t know… Okay, maybe next time I should explain in a better way and clearer way. Sometimes, I really don’t know that they don’t know why this is so which makes me did not do my explanations.

DON’T expect an answer or people to listen to your comment if you didn’t ask or even try to explain. I will listen to you. Remember this too that people DON’T know what you are thinking… They may think it the other way…

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Tense.

I am having some stress because those people stay back but not doing any thing. I am so scared that we cant finish our things, time is running out, and they may not stay back next time as they thought it was a waste of time by just staying back doing nothing. Gah! So, I was trying to find some jobs to distribute out to everyone. And I dont know why and when you started to get angry. Seriously, did i do anything wrong again? Btw, you said this before where you will always be by my side to help me with everything. :( I am having stress there and by looking at you makes me more tense. Help? lol. I am sorry for always making you angry though. I am just someone that is terrible sometimes. Maybe, we are not suitable working together.

and right now, i think posting what i think in blog is just .... I think people will get annoy by me one day.

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really that complicated? haha...

Why is there a inverted comers on the word true? means fake? I noticed because I like to read and feel uneasy when there is nothing. :) I shall make you understand yourself then and slowly make myself understand you too. I shall make you change not to be that way. :) I hope i have the internal power. :) Btw, I dont think there is really such thing like you was born to confuse people. Unless you think of it at that time, and you just did it without thinking twice. At last, you regretted? If so, how many times have you regretted? I believe it happens for some time but I dont believe there is such thing all the time. It is just you who wants to do it that way. Besides, if you keep on telling yourself that you are born like that and you are always acting that way, I believe you will remain like that. I agree human's feeling is complicated but i dont think it affects the whole way you act almost all the time. (unless your feeling is always complicated towards me?) hmm.. i think you always normal to others? i dont know...

I am sorry that i like to find you in school. Maybe, i just plainly like to talk to you, see you? forgive that. I will not do it again. I hope and i promise myself.

*it is just all what i think.

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reply.

I read your blog that night. It plagued me too. Then, I went to bed and thought of it. the next day, i read again. Then, i thought of ways to solve this. Lastly, i decided to call you through your house phone. I called someone to get it but then i only remembered that you went for one day camp. Then, I got your phone number through the person again through Facebook. after thinking, I though of not disturbing you that day because you may be very tired and you may have no mood to hear what I say. The next day, I called...and i get "Nombor yang anda dail tidak terdapat dalam perkhidmatan..." Lastly, i decided to write here as i think you also read my blog.

So, why i didnt tell you as I saw you that Saturday.

-I dont know yet at that time.

why me? Didn't teacher said give chance to other people?

-Teacher said it is too rush to find another person. I think teacher is worried if she called someone and the person is unconfirmed and at last, no one replaced the place. I thought of Dhivea but then after that i remembered her have two tuitions in one day and she told me before that she wont and cant skip that tuition because it is important. (because i asked before why she cant go to the camp on Mon and Tues).

If the person knows that she cant go earlier, maybe dhivea can arrange her tuition but at that time is just one more day to go.

So, u hinted through Facebook and i didn't reply

-I bet you already know and I scared that if i explained to you, you wont agree with me or even accept my explanation and think it as some nonsense. So, I planned to inform everyone in Ye meeting as teacher said she will help me to tell Ye member the reason.

One thing, i dont understand, I don't even looked sorry or guilty about it. what is the it means? explaining to you? Maybe because I somehow find it weird if I went up to someone and explained something while the person didn't ask? but i explained and told dhivea because i think it directly affected her.

Maybe the explanation is not enough, can you come and find me instead? because i find it easier to talk than write. Dont feel like looking at me so you dont want to find me and get a answer that satisfy you? I close my face? or close your eyes then. If you find you are okay with what i say, can we be friends again?

that event is not worth it to lost you as a friend. :)

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Stock Challenge!

haha.. until now, only i write about this.So, yea, I went to stock challenge. It is a two day program where we learn about stocks, shares and many more about business.

We were

in the auditorium for the first day.

We learned a lot about business like what cause the company to raise and fall. Then, they thought us about the activity that will be going on for the second day. Before leaving the auditorium, we have to be in a group which consists of three people.

This is my group!

For the second day activity, we need to come out with a brokery name with slogan and logo

(So, we were the dart brokers, logo you will see it in the following photos and our slogan is... We aim, precise and accurate! )

to make a

1.brokery sign

(made by chia hoong!) It earns us citi currency of RM 200! woo~ awesome!!!

2. business card (by hong jun) It looks quite professional too!

3.name tag (by him too!) Yea, i know he put in effort doing it. :)

4. costumes

That's one part of our costumes which is a cap with the logo picture on it. Nice logo, yea? XD I drew it!!! Awesome also, yea?

So, this is the dart board which was stick

behind my back, saying, "where is my dart?"

I must say this is neat and nice. :) haha....

The answer was on the other group member where they put the dart pictures it in front of them.

nice leh? the dart? :P okay... maybe you will say not as this photos is not so clear and nice taken.

So, basically, i prepared all the costumes. :) the most thing! :p But still, i enjoyed it. hehe....

Then, our table were decorated with many of our logos surrounded it. :) I just like the decoration part and doing those stuff. :) Maybe I drew so nice where my gor don't believe it was drawn by me, saying it was printed by the computer.

After we decorated and ate, the activity started with some guide lines. So, we had to read some news, decide to buy which shares, buy it, and see the stock raise or drop. So, actually, the thing is just BUY! :) and don't keep your money. :) Sometimes, is better to buy wrong than keeping the money. So, for the first round, we were not really prepared what to buy. When discussion was going on, I think i were a bit determine with my decision and so there is of course some comment about it. My member just told me to buy this but not saying it confidently and maybe his words didn't convince much. So, yea. we follow the first buying list. When he saw what he actually predict went up, he didn't feel good. Then, after the other round, he didn't talk much and a bit sour face. :( Sorry for not listening to you. I was too scare to even really talk to him so i talked to the other member. The other member was just optimistic. To me, he didn't really care what the result of buying list but i can see that he really enjoy buying. :) He just wants to buy! :D But i dislike where he didn't really give any suggestion on the buying stock section as the other member also try to hide what he think. Ugh! it made me don't have any comment and just write what i think. It was just like you don't want to really be involved in the discussion for the next few rounds as you thought that there was no use saying but there is! actually... :( So, the whole process was almost something like that.

I regretted that

WE DIDN'T APPRECIATE THE TIME BEING TOGETHER THERE...

:( We didn't talk much on that day... It was not easy for us to have the time doing things together!!! :(

Honestly, I didn't enjoy much when we didn't communicate well that day. I bet you are the same too... And I am sorry for being a little too determine on decision. :( *Note: we didn't quarrel, okay? Is just that he refuse to give more idea and comments where i dislike it. And here I would like to say sorry for saying you for the lejar thing as i think i was a bit frustrated. :( But actually the lejar thing is not important at all!

Overall, the program is fun! I enjoyed the whole event! I think everyone did! :D and I really stress a lot. I aimed to win (so, more stress) but still.. haiz... I am just not good in all this...

The next day, I had headache in school! I cant wait for the first two period to over and went to class and rested (don't know whether i slept or not) during BI. :) the teacher is nice for not scolding me. phew~

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Hold on...

I can feel that you are really scare or maybe just dislike it. ( I must admit, I dont know what and how you feel) So, I wont disturb you anymore. It sucks when i was talking and ignorance was given. Ever so frequent, I dont get reply and sometimes you ran away, turned somewhere while I am not done yet. Nah, maybe it is not something important when i think it is important. Never mind, maybe ignorance is a bliss. I will be quite and invisible. This time, I will hold on my urge and be calm. Stay Silent...

*but i will do necessary reply if any questions are asked.

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Ghost...

Oh no, I think I becoming like a ghost now. why? It is because of my dark circles. XD

Haha... didnt listen to some one. :P It has become darker now. means I have sleeping late for many days. What should i do now? Sleep EARLY! Right? btw, is it useful now? haiz... Like what people say. "cegah sebelum parah" and "mencegah adalah lebih baik daripada merawat!" haha.. BM (any idioms or something like that in English?) If yes, just tell me by leaving a comment. :)

but sometimes, really what can i do? They are so many things to do. :( Haiz...

Isn't it okay if I take nap during the afternoon and sleep late at night? Why not? Isn't it almost the same? XD Arsh! panda eyes... :( Maybe i should also say ugh! Form 4 life!

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should post?

Oh no, i had spent my time trying to pour out what i feel these few weeks, months by phrasing it to words. However, I think i should not post it because those words are just to straight forward. Some more everyone is quite sensitive which also means easily get hurt. This should just be kept in my draft to avoid anything happen. :)
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You are two people to me.

*make sure you are in a good mood when you are going to read this.

Which is the real you? Blog or in school? Lol, of course in school, as we talk face to face to each other. however, i prefer the blog you sometimes. :) You are more rational, nicer, and many more. :)

As, you feel and think this way in your blog and when you are in school, you are behaving in the other way. Sorry to say this.

Are you shy/scare? I just don't get you sometimes. After all, i prefer sitting down in front of the computer reading your blog instead. Feeling that you are talking to me through words. This is better sometimes.

You said that you want to talk to me but then you don't come and find me. I feel the urge that you want to talk to me in your blog but not in you yourself. Okay, i know you want to say someone will disturb in school. *is just that you mind. If not, it would distract us.* Then, you said that you want see me online but then when i am online, you did nothing. Do you ever start talking? So, what's the point? Stop [EKAF-ing.... ] That's why i said I DON'T get you. I thought that i know you but i realize that I DON'T.

So, stop making me confuse. Let me just believe the normal you and not the blog you. Even though I want the blog you, i should differentiate which one is real and not.

This feeling is not based on one thing but accumulate stuff.

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reply for you.

Lol, i did it? i actually failed for cheating! :P

Okay, we are discussing about annual report achiever. Something like that. You asked what did i discuss between Miss w and chin han. It is just between chin han only! Chin han asked for my opinion and he suggested to teacher. i am not involved in discussing with teacher. Zzzzzzzzzz........ I said p&c that time because i know that chin han would not want me to tell you. then, when you asked me personally, you kept on asking what we-- me, chin han and miss w discussing instead i also didn't talk to teacher about that thing also! Get it?

Stock challenge---I don't want to talk about it anymore because someone said that i am spoiling the fun. And you didn't cause trouble for asking.

Any other people know your blog? i think some of the posts is not mentioning about me. Mind telling me? I scared that i mistaken.

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really weak....

nowadays, i felt myself is so weak in everything especially being in my class. Add math, bio, physics, chem.... bla bla bla... all! everyone can cope and going through their normal life, and all these subjects are like under their control. Unlike me. I just dislike this. I feel myself wondering around how to do, trying to get what teacher is talking about, trying to understand. Maybe I am just too weak in all these especially science subjects. Or maybe, i dint put in much effort. Should not have think everyone is so smart instead they also work very hard. it is just that i dont know.

*soemone be my tutor :)

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U will like seeing this, i think?

I realized that your blog posts are almost all about being sorry to someone.

I understand, i really understand the complicated and indescribable feeling. It was just like the feeling i faced last time. :) Create a blog so that the person will know what you think but on the other hand, you just don't want to tell the person yourself. Btw, your blog template also very nice what...
I still remember this," if the world has no IF this word, no one will be a beggar now." Who say this phrase before, yea? XD

One fact-- you really like me to dare you and of course, I enjoy it also. :)

One truth where i din't ask for your blog inside the dare because I want you to tell me yourself instead of daring you which seems so bad. :) So, now no more dare left already, right?

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